On their wedding night, both husband and wife 

were claiming virginity

Wife : If it was your first time, then how did you do so

 well?

Husband : And if this was your first time how did

you know that I did so well?

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper

so I would be in ur hands allday.

Husband: I too wish that u were

a newspapers so I could have

a new one everyday.

Wife asked his husband how many women he had slept with?

Husband proudly replies, only you darling, with others I was awake!!

Husband: Darling, 10 years ago you had a figure like Coke bottle.

Wife: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is,

it was 250ml before but now its 1.5 liter.

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream

That u were sending me

Jewelry and clothes!

Husband: yeah, I saw

your dad paying the bill !!!

A couple is lying in bed.

The man says, I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world

The woman says, I will miss you.

A Wife hit her Husband with a Frying Pan.

Husband:What was THAT for?

Wife:I found a paper in your pocket, with the name Jenny on it.

Husband:I played RACE last week and Jenny was the name of my HORSE.

Wife:Sorry!

Next day the Wife hit him with the Frying Pan AGAIN!

Husband:Why?

Wife:Your Horse PHONED!

A wife asked her husband:

What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?

He looked at her from head to toe and replied:

I like your sense of humor

Man gets bite on neck from girlfriend.

Worried he goes home and tells wife
see our dog bit my neck

Wife removes her Bra and says
See what he did to my boobs..


 

Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?

Wife to Husband: Im looking for a loophole

Husband: Let me take a picture of your breasts

that i can always look at them.

Wife: Let me take a picture of your penis

that i will have it enlarged

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar

who had broken into his house the night before.

You will get your chance in court, said the Police officer.

No, no no! said the man. I want to know how he got

into the house without waking my wife. I have been trying for years.

A couple had a fight one night.

When they were going to bed,

Husband Taunted:

Good night mother of 3 kids.

Wife Replied:

Good night Father of none

Husband:  I want divorce.

My wife hasnt spoken to me in six months.

Lawyer: Think about it once again.

Wives like that  are hard to  get!

Electronics engineer on tour.

Wife delivered a baby &

she msgd him:YOUR SPARE PART HAS ARRIVED.

He msgd back:GREAT,IS IT A TRANSMITTER OR A RECEIVER ?!

Couples returned from honeymoon after a week,

HUSBAND: Hw did u enjoy the whole week?

WIFE: The WHOLE WEEK

u made my HOLE WEAK!!!

2 men searching 4 their lost wifes

1st: How does ur wife luk?

2 : 5"9 heit, 36-24-36

fair,Blue eyes,sexy.wt abt urs?

1: Forget mine.

Lets search urs..

Wife:-what is difference betwn 1st night & last night?

Husband: simple

If U sleep on flowers,it is 1st night!

If flowers sleep on U,it is Last night...

Wife: Look a thief has entered our kitchen

& he is eating the cake that I prepared!

Husband: Whom should i call now?

Police or Ambulance

Husband:What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey?

Wife:A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear.

Wife: Last night I saw a dream that you were buying jewellery for me.

Husband: Yes, I saw your dad paying the bill.

Judge:why did u shoot ur wife

instead of shootingher lover?

Husband:Your honour,

it’s easier to shoot a woman once,

than shooting one man every week.

Wife: Honey, if I die would you get married again?

Husband: No dear.

Wife: Iam sure you would.

Annoyed husband: Okay, I would.

Wife: Would you let her sleep in our bed?

Husband: Ya, I guess so.

Wife: Would you let her wear my clothes.

Husband: No, she is taller than you

Husband and Wife apply for divorce.

Judge: You have 9 children, how will you divide them equally.

Husband thinks for a moment and tells Wife: Dear, lets move home, we will apply for divorce after 9 months.

wife:honey,what r u looking 4?
husband: nothing

wife:why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?
husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date

Man to Yamraj In Hell:
Can I Make a Call to  My Wife
Yamraj- Sure
Man, After the Call – How Much Should I Pay
Yamraj- Nothing! Hell to Hell is FREE
 

Meaning of WIFE & HUSBAND..
Wonderful
Item
For
Entertainment

Handsome
Useful
Smart
But
At
Night

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary,
what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Wife: What is 10 years with me?
Husbd:A second.
Wife: What is $1000 for me?
Husbd: A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husbd: Wait a sec!

Wife: Our New Neighbour Always Kisses His Wife
When He Goes To Work
Why Don’t You Do That?

Husband: How Can I?
I Don’t Even Know Her

Doctor: madam, your husband needs rest and peace so here are some sleeping pills

Wife: doc, when should i give them to him?

Doctor: They are for u.!!

Husband : When Iam gone U will never find another man like me

wife: What makes u think I"d want another man like u!

Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means…
Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE says: No darling , it means :-
With Idiot For Ever